A Two Headed Fish

I’ve not felt like writing for some time. My shoulder has been bothering me again. When I say, “bothering” I mean it is in a constant spasm. It is so painful I want to vomit and can’t concentrate on anything else. I’m not going to get into it here, but I’ve tried just about everything logical and reasonable. Yesterday I went to a guy in Sedona. I’ll keep his name out of it until I see the results, but so far I’m a bit better. I feel somewhat confused about it since I can’t get my head around what he did, but then I don’t fully understand astrology either. That’s why I study.

Yesterday the moon entered Virgo. I studied astrology over my lunchtime yesterday and before my doctor’s appointment. I’ve gone into that headspace again. With the moon in Virgo we can expect practical adaptations. (Maybe that’s why I study astrology in a way to see the practicality in it, see how it actually works in my life.) Nice time to refine emotional reactions to perfect expression. (Paraphrased from Stephen Arroyo’s Chart Interpretation Handbook.) This would be a great time for an actor to take a workshop, or anyone to work on things that have previously been emotionally overwhelming. I’m going to the H.E.R. Weekend tomorrow. We’ll see how this works for me. I’m going to look at my “shadow” self, to heal anything left I cannot see. Although I know there will always be “stuff” it doesn’t have to rule my life, like I know it does sometimes now. Can we heal all wounds? I believe we can, even those deep psychic, soul damaging ones. I’m here to prove that to myself. I survived for a reason. Even if that reason is only to heal. Now that’s a bummer and a paradox. I sometimes think that my successes will be equivalent to my damage and wounds. Maybe that’s why I dream so big, why I have such high ideals and hope for myself. I’m the only one who can believe there is no limit to what I can do. No one else is going to do that for me. It’s my role as a human, as the parent of that past child who no one protected, as the one who is doing the clean up work after another parent’s neglect.

I’m reading Spontaneous Healing by Dr. Andrew Weil. It’s fascinating and hopeful. I believe too, that all physical maladies can be at least changed with nutrition. What goes in must effect the body. Most people treat their bodies like garbage disposals by finishing off the bag, or what’s on their plates, so it won’t go bad, so they won’t waste the food. But isn’t it a bigger waste to stress the body and then pay the consequence in a large health bill later? What if every time you cleaned off your plate you had a headache? Isn’t it possible since your body is dealing with an overload of food, working too hard to process all the processed food? We talk about toxic waste in our waterways, but what about the toxic waste in our guts? All that processed food: chips, soda, protein bars, cereal, anything that has two or more steps in preparation and more ingredients than you can rattle off, is processed. That’s my rule of thumb. Those types of toxic foods do not clean the body, are not alive, but so dead it takes preservatives to keep them from rotting BEFORE you eat them. So, what happens to that in the body, in the gut? Does it nourish? Does it make for beautiful skin and hair? OR does it stop the hunger/emotional desire from sending the message your body needs NOURISHMENT? The goal is not to just stop the symptom, but address the source. That’s our culture’s way, stop the symptom and we think we’re cured. But what if the symptom just mutates in a way that is not detectable at that time? What if it changes the body chemistry and goes deeper, some place that the effects aren’t seen for years and years until one day you have a lump? Or are 100 pounds overweight? What if that’s what’s happening to our world? We don’t see the trash so we think it’s all being taken care of, but then our fish grow two heads and are so full of mercury poisoning they are no longer edible for us or other animals? What if we are not living with all of our senses and our intuition is our greatest source of understanding?

I believe that all things begin with the self. If we are living at our greatest potential, then we can give more freely. It’s of greater service to mediate on “Self” on the God that lies within, then it is to wash someone’s feet. That’s a long way from the nutritional aspect I was writing about, but that’s the jump I go to. I know I’m my best physician, but I can’t seem to understand what is going on with my neck and shoulder. I’ll keep reading and keep working to understand how my body responds to foods.

Thanks for listening. With love- OUT!